Snakes on a Mountain

There are a lot of things that I really, really, in my heart of hearts, LOVE about my home.

Snakes? Not one of them.

The first summer we didn't see any, or rather, I didn't see any. But seeing as I spent June 9 months pregnant and July and August taking care of a newborn, I wasn't exactly outside trudging through snake territory.

The second summer, for some reason, I'm drawing a blank on...Gabe was 1...we weren't "quite" as into gardening as we have been lately...but I definitely don't recall snakes.

Summer 3--6 snakes. One in the woods, one in the grass--no biggie. One sleeping on the top of the cement of the septic tank; a little creepy but it wasn't a close encounter. Two slithering over my feet as I stepped outside in the morning, barefoot and weilding scissors to innocently cut some flowers? Very, very uncool. One of the most hideous experiences of my life. Finally, a snake found dead in the driveway, flush with the garage...which we discovered, when Gabe tried to remove it, that half of its body was IN THE STONE of the garage, which in my mind, counts as the house. All of these sightings happened between April and August.

And now, our fourth summer. Its still May (granted, a hot May) and I've already seen two snakes. It is so not agreeing with me. Last year, I spent a good amount of time online, reading about snakes, becoming educated (these are all harmless snakes) trying to make myself less afraid but regardless I spent most of my summer weeding and simultaneously jumping out of my skin everytime anything moved, sure it was a snake about to bite and strangle me.

I know all the good things about snakes. I know they aren't going to "get" me (in my head). But I can't explain the feeling of walking around my house with my heart in my throat in my blood pumping, waiting, just waiting to see one. And today it was out of my mind for a second and what do you know, I headed toward the walkway that connects the deck and the patio and there it was. Snake. Brown and slithery...slithering away, yes, but slithering. And I can't quite explain the feeling of innate creepiness, and yes, fear, that overcomes me. I understand where the term "crawling out of my skin" comes from. And then my hands start shaking, heart starts pumping, expletives start flying, dog's hair stands on end and the toddler asks in a shaky voice "Mommy? You okay?"

I've always been like this...pretty sure there is a video floating around Pinto Bay somewhere of my dad showing us a dead black snake (pretty sure HE had killed it!) and the body was still moving. My sister, the future doctor, was all squatted over it and probably secretly wanted to dissect it and I? I was running away screaming and bellowing like a primal caveperson. And Gabe can attest, since he witnessed my discovery of snake number 1 about a week ago, that age has not really altered this reaction.

So what to do? There are lots of "methods" of repelling snakes (sounds like most don't work), you can trap and remove them (would involve closer interaction--no thank you), you can hire a wildlife removal service (very expensive and lets face it--they would take one look at our property, in the woods, with lots of greens to hide under and lots of rocks to sunbathe on, and probably laugh at us), or we could move--that's a bit drastic.

I might try the mothball trick but more than likely I will just continue to live with it and freak out and bitch about snakes on my facebook status (hopefully this is not going to be a once a week thing!!!) I honestly don't care if they are here, as long as I don't SEE them. I can be cautious and respectful...but shit, every time I see one I am afraid to go back outside and then spend the next few weeks being anxious everytime I am anywhere off the deck or patio.

And on a day like today, and with summer looming...I WANT to be outside all the time! I love my house, and my plants, and the woods and the view and summertime...I love the smells of the woods, the way everything looks and feels totally different in the early morning and in the evening just before dark. I like being under the sun, I like hot weather, I like coming inside to a cool house for a break now and then. I like "swimming" and pop-ice with the little guy...but in order to enjoy all of THAT, there is a lot of work that needs to be done on a regular basis. And I don't mind that work, I just wish that snakes weren't involved.

You know what I secretly think (and yes this is my snake paranoia): I think that we live on top of a huge nest of freaking snakes, just waiting to attack. Skeeves me out, but (and here's the but): tonight I stood on the deck for a few minutes and watched a fantastic lightening storm going on about 5 miles away. A hummingbird stopped it's flight and sat on the railing, something I've never seen before. The air smelled like rain and remnants of G3's play were scattered at my feet. I could LIVE outside...except for the damn snakes on the mountain!!!!!