Dear Gabey: Today you are 3. (Okay, scratch that, you've been 3 for almost a week and we've been celebrating since your little party on July 2nd. Your mommy has been running-around-like-a-chicken-with-no-head-busy, and I just haven't had the time to sit and write this post.) I had visions of waxing poetic about you, writing tender things that will someday make you cry (ok, will someday make you roll your eyes, but will probably make your future wife cry.) But...in the interest of at least leaving SOME mark on this blog that you turned 3, I am squeezing this post in between waking up and rushing you off to swimming lessons.
That's right, swimming lessons. Among the other big-kid like things you are doing at age 3, you are also learning how to swim. Daddy has been teaching you a few tricks like holding your breath to be dunked underwater (sounds violent but you love it!) but these are lessons designed to keep you from drowning, and I have to say after just 2 days I am so impressed with how you have learned to blow bubbles, put your face in the water, and kick with your kick-board. Mostly I'm impressed that you actually can handle sitting and listening and following instructions from a teach, with 9 other kids in the water. You do stray at the end, but not too long ago the idea of you listening for nearly 45 minutes was unheard of.
I wanted to write about the kind of person you are, though I do talk about that in your monthly posts, I can't seem to formulate the words from my head onto this blog. I blame this purely on the fact that I have not had a minute to just sit and chill over the month of July, and collect my thoughts about you. I remember when I was pregnant thinking about the fact that "someday there will be a little boy running up and down these hallways" and totally NOT being excited about that. I was excited for a baby, a snuggly ball of mush that I could carry around all day and play with. Toddlers didn't excite me. Big kids=even less. I wanted the baby, and decided that I'd just ignore the fact that someday he wouldn't be a baby anymore.
Of course, that's not how it works, and each age you are at comes with its own challeges and its own rewards. There are so many things I love about you right now, today, at age 3 years and 6 days. I love how some mornings you get up before Daddy and you run into our room and he pulls you up onto the bed and for a short time you just lay on top of him while he rubs your back. I don't think Daddy is all that awake, but you are, and I think that maybe you are old enough that you will remember it. Not completely, but maybe just a memory of early summer mornings, lounging in bed, playing under the blankets while Mom and Dad wake up, and then jumping over Daddy repeatedly, calling him a mountain.
I wonder if you will remember the afternoons when we all happen to be home, when you and Daddy swim in the kiddie pool and I sit nearby reading or just hanging out. Will you remember Mickey, and your love/hate relationship with him? Will you remember how I snuggle you for 2 seconds each night and ask you what your favorite part of the day was, and talk about all the exciting things to come the next day?
I hope that your earliest memories that you remember throughout your life will be ones of warmth, happieness, and fun. Of course, Daddy and I are not perfect and there are lots of days that you eat garbage for dinner, or we have an argument in front of you, or we put you to bed without reading a story, or let you watch too much television because we have to get some things done. But there are many days that are full of snuggling, playing in the yard, "family days" which can range from an afternoon at the pool to just laying around watching movies.
I get scared when I think of you growing up...entering the big bad scary world of mean kids and all kinds of horrible dangers. I try not to dwell on this much, but as a mom I think there is always this scary fear in the closets of your mind of something happening to your kid. Once in awhile it jumps out and its so bad that you have to put it away or otherwise it would strangle you. At age 3, you are more or less with me always, minus the times you are with Daddy, at Grammy and Grandad's, school or once in a blue moon with friends. Its easy to keep you safe. As you grow, keeping you safe will be more about guiding you to make the right choices, instilling values in you that will help you be a good person and move down the right path in life, and just letting you know that no matter what, your mom and dad love you fiercely and will always be here for whatever you need. You aren't a baby anymore, not even close, but I'm not sure I will ever be able to look at you or touch you and not have some fleeting sense of baby fat, of innocence, of YOU as you are now.
My earliest memory is of my 3rd birthday...something about walking between my parents holding both of their hands, and getting a clown doll named Clara as a present. So I figure that the earliest things you might remember are of your 3rd birthday, and damn, did we do it up this year. First, we had a playdate party the week before. All your little friends came, the weather was gorgeous, and you totally enjoyed yourself. For your actual birthday, we did the (cup)cake and presents when Daddy got home from work, and then we took you out to dinner and let you order whatever you wanted (buttered noodles, french fries, and ice cream!) I took you shopping at Toys R Us and let you pick out a present to spend some of your birthday money on, and you got a crown and a balloon. Because we didn't have a huge party, you've been randomly getting gifts and cards in the mail from various family members, which is only alluding to the impression you must have that a birthday is a month long party! Finally, we are going to have a cake up at Dunwoody for you and Aidan (another little boy who's birthday is in July) and you will have MORE presents from Mommy's side of the family. Best of all Aunt CeeCee will get to be with you to blow out the candles and partake in some birthday madness.
So, birthdays are totally not about the cake and presents (ok, they sort of are) but more about celebrating YOU, making the day (err, month) special for you, especially now that you are old enough to really enjoy and kind of understand what its all about. Of course, I want you to know every day how special you are and how much we love you, but no day more than your birthday. Three years ago everything changed for Daddy and I in ways we couldn't imagine. You are such a special little person and sometimes I can't even believe you are ours. We both love you beyond words, Gabey. Happy Birthday!
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